It hurts but it / he always has and with it over it will eventually stop hurting , finally , right ?
🅷🅰🆅🅴 🅰 🆆🅾🅽🅳🅴🆁🅵🆄🅻 🅳🅰🆈! 🅰🅽🅳 🆁🅴🅼🅴🅼🅱🅴🆁 🅷🅰🅿🅿🅸🅽🅴🆂🆂 🅸🆂 🅰 🅲🅷🅾🅸🅲🅴 – 🅸🅵 🅸 🅲🅰🅽 🅱🅴 🅷🅰🅿🅿🆈 🅸🅽 🆃🅷🅸🆂 🆂🅸🆃🆄🅰🆃🅸🅾🅽 🆈🅾🆄 🅲🅰🅽 🆃🅾🅾 🅽🅾 🅼🅰🆃🆃🅴🆁 🆆🅷🅰🆃 🅻🅸🅵🅴 🆃🅷🆁🅾🆆🆂 🅰🆃 🆈🅾🆄!!
꓄ꃅꍟ ꉓꀎ꓄ꍟꈤꍟꌗꌗ ꀤꌗ ꍏ꒒ꂵꂦꌗ꓄ ꀎꈤꌃꍟꍏꋪꍏꌃ꒒ꍟ!
Today is the day
To make a change
To take a chance
To leap with faith
To keep my mind safe
To ask for help
To task my.self
Allay all doubt today
They said it works.
I read it works.
I tried my way.
They provide my way.
Nothing to lose
Unless I choose
Again to use
And induce self-abuse
I’m doing recovery for keeps NOW.
Will I stay clean?
According to them [N.A./A.A. people] so long as I’m working my program I will succeed
Almost finished with my step 1
So thankful for the welcoming fellowship in both of the programs [N.A./A.A.] and I am greatly enjoying meetings.
Attending NA & AA daily if work allows
Actively searching for a sponsor
[the woman I asked today has all the sponsees she can handle but said I can call anytime]
Working the steps and doing the work with N.A. Step Working Guides
I feel trapped.
It is like I know the right things to do but the wrong thing keeps pulling me back in.
I’ve been addicted to something since I was 15 and started smoking cigarettes and weed.
Then it was alcohol.
Then it was pain medication, prescribed (haha then not prescribed if I ran out).
Then it was a giant leap into heroin.
I beat all the other addictions.
I feel unmotivated.
The longest I’ve been sober is one year and one month in 18 years.
I was on fire!
I loved life clean.
Since I couldn’t handle my emotions I turned back to my old pal meth.
For years it had obliterated all pain for me.
It was accessible and I knew it would numb the madness.
I backslid on my medications, too.
I feel incomplete.
8 months of a back and forth game.
I’m ready for it to stop.
I’m working on it one day at a time, or hour, or moment.
But it’s calling my name.
It’s driving me insane.
I’m grieving my addiction as I fight to stay clean.
My addiction got me through the hardest parts of my life.
They are still ongoing and it’s difficult to face them.
I feel overwhelmed.
No one said it would be easy.
Actually everyone said it would be hard.
I’ve accepted my horrid mistake to start using again.
Finally, no more guilt or blame or anger or shame.
So that is helping.
I got through losing a job the day after getting clean.
I’m working a crazy schedule and I’m doing it!
I feel hopeful.
Working through my issues one step at a time.
pic by nali