Posted in a few blocks in my converse

honesty is easier

Say what you like: say I'm ill,
Say I broke my leg on the stairs,
Say we've had a fire
—T. S. Eliot

Think of the trouble of excuses and lies. They force us to make ourselves sick, live with a whole broken leg, start some sort of slow burn. When we tell someone we're not at home, we have to hide in that place. When we invent a long line of lies, we have to memorize each one. It's easiest just to come clean, use plain and simple words, and speak true. When accusers spear us with their stares, we can disarm them by looking them right in the eye.

Not only do lies deceive others, they keep us hidden from ourselves, and make our real reasons for the choices we've made seem unworthy, if we feel we can't express them. Better that we be truthful, even if a little pain results. Truth keeps communication lines open. Then, when someone really wants to know what's on our minds, we can simply open our hearts.

Is anything too terrible to tell to a friend?

From Today's Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991

Thursday, February 20

Say what you like: say I’m ill,
Say I broke my leg on the stairs,
Say we’ve had a fire
—T. S. Eliot

Think of the trouble of excuses and lies. They force us to make ourselves sick, live with a whole broken leg, start some sort of slow burn. When we tell someone we’re not at home, we have to hide in that place. When we invent a long line of lies, we have to memorize each one. It’s easiest just to come clean, use plain and simple words, and speak true. When accusers spear us with their stares, we can disarm them by looking them right in the eye.

Not only do lies deceive others, they keep us hidden from ourselves, and make our real reasons for the choices we’ve made seem unworthy, if we feel we can’t express them. Better that we be truthful, even if a little pain results. Truth keeps communication lines open. Then, when someone really wants to know what’s on our minds, we can simply open our hearts.

Is anything too terrible to tell to a friend?

From Today’s Gift: Daily Meditations for Families ©1985, 1991

Posted in recovery

Day 2 – come down

Today was uneventful. I slept the entire day. I woke up twice, this being the second time, to eat and type this. All I want to do is go back to sleep.

My daughter is here. I’m missing out on time with my daughter because of my use. Thankfully, I am going to be sober for a long time this time and be a better mom for it. Well, wish me luck with that at least.

And I need to remember to be grateful for my man’s continued help and support through all of this. He took the kids out all day and let me have my rest and made sure my daughter was included and had a fun day. This is just one of thousands of things he has done to help me over the past three years. He has stuck by me through so much. I’ll end up seeming very unappreciative after explaining just how much he’s dealt with and my taking it for granted…

I’m going back to sleep. The food was not worth getting up for, bleh.

Sweet dreams.