LackadaisicaL wHimsy

I’m not quirky enough to be an oddity, I can just make being unpredictable and lazy sound fanciful.

unique

Can you appreciate that I couldn’t just say “crazy and lazy” thus I’m now Unpredictable, Crazy’s drug addicted niece?

That is some funny timing though, I just get off of the phone with Demi, my “fun” Auntie, there is one in every family. And I just recently found out that all these years I thought I was her favorite she’s just been grooming me to replace her as black sheep of my dad’s side so she can retire and not have to hear their crap anymore! I’m a purple elephant blowing bubbles out my nose as far as my mom’s kin are concerned so I’m not getting many invites as it is. I can’t cook and it won’t be as accepted when we’re bringing a whole 6-pack of us Fellowshipping our way to a home cooked meal this Thanksgiving! We may have to splurge on 2 flavors of Doritos this year.

It is quite amusing to me that, while my boyfriend is enjoying all the peace and quiet lately since I’m either sleeping or typing silently, I now sit by myself and have full-blown two-sided conversations in my head with myself via my computer. I am going to do the 7-day trial of learning how to code I actually started this morning and I find it really interesting. I learned how to build a website when I was around 13 years old and we first got computers at our school. I was astonished that they still have to type out all this stuff longhand! I mean I thought that that was the point of technology to simplify at least the computer information relaying stuff. You have to type out an entire hierarchy to build an unsophisticated website still but it is pretty rad what seemingly innocuous groups of typed letters can create. I got so excited I forgot to press the “run” button and I just sat there waiting for the elves to do their magic since I had put the letters into their designated “nests” inside their “parents” brackets and completed the element and surprise the computer’s patiently waiting on me letting it know I’ve completed my task before it takes my jibberish and makes it reappear moments later as a properly aligned paragraph in a nifty box . Still my mind is blown that it needs my help with anything so I am very grateful to have a job right now.

Now that I am working again after a month off searching – NOPE that is a lie – I did revamp my resume which took a couple hours, I was getting really involved in finding good synonyms as I enjoy expanding and diversifying my vocabulary and sounding a little smarter than I really am, but I did not send that resume to one single person or business. Not I, I waited for my temp agency to call (I “called” them “daily” to check for work too [in all fairness I did do that a few, couple times and the lady told me very matter-of-factly that they would call me if there was work available]) I was actively looking while I waited, of course, if anyone asked.

What did my dad and boyfriend think I was doing all damn day? Was I pulling out the ol’ binoculars and checking Target’s door on the other side of the freeway for a “help wanted” sign? I never left the house. Well except to re-up during THAT relapse…

My poor boyfriend thought I was off my meds and needed another vacation to the funny farm because I berated his ass so intensely about him and the other female behind my back situation and was trying every which way to get a little more truth out of him. I got bits and pieces that did not suffice and only seemed to further my incessantly circuitous debating, let’s be real it was straight harassment by day two and this went on for 5 days! Whatever he’s holding onto must be super salacious with him still keeping his secrets after I declared war through overt acts of domestic terrorism – I’d let him fall asleep right to the point of those pre-snores where he’s in the warm happy place and as soon as I heard a couple I’d sigh and harumph around across the couches from him (we push our couches together for our bed, that is something else entirely) and then just start back in on him like he was arguing right back. He wasn’t though, so it was just me talking non-stop for hours. I started shutting up because I was annoying the crap out of myself!

He was such a good sport about it though, and this is why I know he done fucked up some kinda big, he didn’t tell me to get out once, and I deserved to be told multiple times, and then he slept right in our driveway in his car once he’d gotten to his “slap a bitch” level of contempt toward me. I did my part to keep the peace, once he exited the building I didn’t follow and continue, I just shut up and gave myself a break from that horror.

And before you feel sorry for this man please remember it is pretty likely that he cheated on me and I still bob for apples sometimes 3 times a week even (blow-jobs in case you weren’t sure). Besides my act of terror and the occasional reminder that he still hasn’t told me the truth I don’t bring that up and don’t nag about anything at all. I did get a little sassy with him (bahahah sassy really! I sassed him good I did!) for seeing a movie after fishing rather than coming home to sit and watch me play on my laptop… I did want to spend some time with him for real so when he asked me if I wanted to go to church with him today I passed and it was a hard no on that walking on my last day off this weekend!!

This is how good he’s got it even with his bullshit – he went fishing and caught nothing every day this week and, honestly I’m checking his google maps timeline, so if he’s getting any strange he’s putting in a lot of time, time and effort to fool me or he gets blowies parked by the same lake haha j/p not crazy I swear! No, I’ve actually already dealt with him cheating on me I cried, I guilt tripped, I got awesome Christmas and birthday gifts this year, eh I figure I’ve been through the affair reveal and breakup…in my head enough times that I think its about time to move on with my life.

To be clear I’m not leaving him even if he ever does admit his shit. I really like the ease at which I live my life. I went over two years without having a job and he just was okay with that while I was all crazy meth-addled and he let me utilize his car nearly every day during that time, paid all of our bills without complaint, and I was by no means putting my best foot forward. I became agoraphobic and would have panic attacks trying to leave the house to go to the car for a lighter. If I wasn’t clear about it my apologies but my handle here on this blog describes two unattractive qualities that rhyme with daisy and I chose that to represent my blog authorship.

I also don’t cook and clean as little as necessary.

I’m not a bitch about it or anything I am just fucking lackadaisical as shit. I don’t make a mess, I clean up after myself. Once when I was suspicious about Alex maybe having someone at our place he straight-faced said, “If I had another chick she’d be in there cleaning the floors right now and you’d like it.”

I do love this man!! He’s like the peanut butter to my banana, both are enough on our own but really accentuate each other’s flavors when we’re together. We spend a lot of our time doing things separately as we’re both kind of loners that enjoy our own company as well as each others. Sometimes we are constantly with each other and we don’t annoy the other person when that is the case. Its taken a lot of roller coaster rides alongside one another to get the a point where we know we’re good together and we love each other and choose each other over the rest of the world every day. We found something pretty special and highly dysfunctional and we’re happy.

Thank you I am LackadaisicaLwHimsy “laZy craZy” and I sure do love to be me.

Thank you, thank you very much!

delicious
The Elvis
Peanut butter, bananas and bacon sandwich

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