the sky is green.

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1

errantmoon on 07.21.19 at 12:09 am
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This would be too much to bear for someone who’s life is all sunshine and roses but you’re in recovery too, time to think about other options…?
I know you’re not one for dwelling on the past, but considering the crap you’ve already survived you can get through this too. Suddenly it will be ten years down the line…will everything be different or the same?

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- 2
  
  lackadaisicalwhimsy on 07.21.19 at 12:16 am
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  I’ve just got to get my shit together and get out. It is what has been screwing up my recovery. If another option comes along I’ll jump at it. I hope, I’m scared. This is awful but I am used to this awful! That is awful.
  
  This has been the longest three years of my life, and the worst so I cannot continue the same. Different. This is exhausting.
  
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  - 3
    
    errantmoon on 07.21.19 at 12:21 am
    
    This must feel awful, but that’s a GOOD thing. People who feel awful DO things to change it (or never change and live and die the same…Not You!)
    
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  - 4
    
    lackadaisicalwhimsy on 07.21.19 at 4:36 am
    
    Nope not me! I’ve been staying the same though and it is time to get out of my comfort zone and shake things up. He’s out pursuing and I’m going to stop pretending like by me staying faithful is going to make him do the same. Just new experiences. I’m all about me and my girls! I’ll probably still bitch about him from time to time cause it is hard as it has been and only probably going to get much more. Yikes! But here I go!!
    
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  - 5
    
    errantmoon on 07.21.19 at 5:09 am
    
    You know what you want and, more importantly, WHY you want it. Keep those in mind and you’ll get there…(and I’ll be cheering you on from over here)
    
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    lackadaisicalwhimsy on 07.21.19 at 5:43 am
    
    You are spot on! Yay!! I just stopped myself from obsessing over the escorts he’s been calling and started working on my blog. Right direction!!
    You are so great to me thank you!!
    
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7

sobrietytree on 07.21.19 at 12:40 am
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Such a creative and heartfelt post… you are doing great. I know that the monastics at the zen camp I just visited would tell us that the most important thing we could do “to not care” (since you asked for help on that) would be to sit and turn inwards to our thoughts, observing them but not judging them, and becoming okay with them and all of our suffering from them. They might call this returning to a state of impermanence or releasing attachment to our ideas and feelings. In effect, not exactly not caring, but instead becoming free from worry. When we are free from worry we can act from a place of love and compassion, not only for others but for ourselves, first and foremost, and access the very personal answers to our own questions. In this way we can learn the next step we need to take on our own life paths, in any given moment. As I understood it, they find refuge in noticing the passage of their own breath through their bodies. Bringing attention back to our own living organism, helps us return “home” (wherever we may physically be) to inner peace, a place where we feel solid and free, and from where we can make the best and most peaceful decisions.

Thanks for sharing your journey, and please continue with your art, it is beautiful.

Lots of love, xo

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  lackadaisicalwhimsy on 07.21.19 at 4:34 am
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  Wow that is wonderful advice. I love it. I’m going to save this direction and utilize it. I’m working hard to get back to HAPPY and the positive mindset I was in just a month ago. It seems so long ago right now!!
  
  Thank you for being so supportive it means a lot!
  
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    sobrietytree on 07.21.19 at 8:01 am
    
    Aw thank you for this super kind reply! Hugs for you on your inner journey!
    
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