δαλs 2 αηδ 3 – ραss τнιs sнαℓℓ

Forcing myself to spend time awake and involved in my day.
My body craving sleep and pulling me toward hibernation.
I fight it.
Day 2 I felt fine for most, worked an extra 3 hours and only fell out toward the end. Just my friendly coworker noticed and brought me back to focus without consequence. Thankful. Grateful. Stayed awake the rest of the day hit NA and fought with my internet. Finally giving in to the desperate hold of sleep when Alex pulled me in for a hug that I kept embracing until morning rung.
Day 3 only a 3 hour workday (they asked for extra, I couldn’t give) sick to my stomach, just an ache that wouldn’t amount to releasing anything but threatened insistently. My head burst intermittently when I moved just so, and just so was not consistent to any one movement it was just so. Boss bought breakfast thought I wouldn’t, then I did and so worth it. I hadn’t eaten in days probably a big cause of my haze. Thankful. Grateful. Full. Got home and gave in, let sleep win. Overcome with comfortable ease of nothing I didn’t make NA, skipped treatment too, called in and said I had the flu. Fever! don’t make us sick, yeah I’m not slick she knew I wasn’t. Got my ass up to go see my girl sing in her school choir performance. Spent the whole time searching the sea of young little faces and none belonged to me. Listened and waited and left with confusion, tried her dad’s phone to no resolution. Later she called and we figured it out – she’d been standing too low for my shortness to account. Moral being that I’m glad I’m kicking my own ass out of hibernation and not letting life just pass. Cause even though we didn’t see one another she was just overjoyed that I’d been there to support her. These moments we can’t get back and of which I’ve missed too many.
I’m interrupting this cycle and taking away my excuses, its taking real effort and not even about using. I only have a tiny smidge of craving that gets stamped out with thoughts I’m reframing. None of this is meant to be a complaint or a whine – just putting my experience out there so anyone in need can see it is hard as hell but we can be set free.

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8 Comments

    1. lackadaisicalwhimsy

      Thanks so much!
      Sorry I’ve been MIA – still no internet and I’ve been sick the past week with what seems to have been the flu. Finally better!! Going to the library to get internet in a bit and will be able to check my email yippee lol!!

      Liked by 1 person

  1. sobrietytree

    Hi love, glad you’re back. :)) “she was just overjoyed that I’d been there to support her.” So wonderful. and yes you are quite poetic indeed. 💛
    btw I saw your like on that old post of mine just now, can I ask you if you happened to get notified about it? If so that was accidental. Still trying to figure out wordpress. lol. xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lackadaisicalwhimsy

      Thank you! Glad to be back. The world is so small offline – I can’t believe I lived that way for the past 2, almost 3 years!!!
      I came across your post in the “Reader” while I was on my phone (it seems to be different depending on the device I use, don’t know if it matters lol) and then I lost the post because it is dated for April so that took a bit but it is sitting open for me to comment on still!! I loved it!
      So in direct answer: no notification but popped up in the “following” section of the “reader.” I’m new to it all and just starting to get better about finding new posts from blogs I follow like yours.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. sobrietytree

        Oh yes, I so agree, well if I’d known that wordpress.com came with a built in community I would have started my blog there years ago instead of trying everything else first! Ah thanks about the post info! Yes I realized after that even though I’d published it with the april draft date it was showing up as published yesterday in the reader, super annoying! well there will always be glitches lol. thanks for your kind words! happy you are back. let’s keep writing onwards and upwards! xoxo 💕💛

        Liked by 1 person

      2. sobrietytree

        Oh, this is really helpful to hear, thank you so much! I have no idea sometimes if it matters to anyone. Yes it is there in april (day 22/23), now set to “public.” The mysteries of wp… :)) thanks again for your help. xo

        Liked by 1 person

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