Posted in liFe on liFe's TerMs, recovery

0.sixteen – secrets

My boost in energy the past few days, which I think was due to my wonky work schedule, has come an end.
At work today I heard an awesome song that has so many great lines. I feel like she’s telling my story and my change in attitude from constantly worrying about what other people thought of me to admitting my worst character defects and shortcomings and mistakes publicly without any worry of judgement because it makes no difference in my life anymore. I love me the entire enchilada, unattractive qualities and all (although I am willing to work on them for the betterment of my happiness in life). I love that I am finding really phenomenal writing about the situations and feelings I have experienced throughout my life; it helps give me perspective and is relieving to know I am not alone in my struggle. It is bittersweet and tugs at my heartstrings.
Here, enjoy:

I’ve got bi-polar disorder
My shit’s not in order
I’m overweight
I’m always late
I’ve got too many things to say
I rock mom jeans, cat earrings
Extrapolate my feelings
My family is dysfunctional
But we have a good time killing each other

They tell us from the time we’re young
To hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I’m over it

I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what

I can’t think straight, I’m so gay
Sometimes I cry a whole day
I care a lot, use an analog clock
And never know when to stop
And I’m passive, aggressive
I’m scared of the dark and the dentist
I love my butt and won’t shut up
And I never really grew up

They tell us from the time we’re young
To hide the things that we don’t like about ourselves
Inside ourselves
I know I’m not the only one who spent so long attempting to be someone else
Well I’m over it

I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are)
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are), secrets are
I don’t care if the world knows what my secrets are (secrets are), secrets are
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o what
So-o-o-o-o (what)

Mary Lambert, Secrets