Posted in recovery

0.eleven – i am me, happily

I don’t want to change the world.
I have no expectation of great fame or fortune in my life.
I just want my piece of the world happy and content and to be the best me I can be.
I don’t want to climb mountains.
Often I don’t want to venture outdoors.
I find enjoyment in ideas, in concepts of the mind.
I don’t have great expectations and oft lack motivation.
I don’t want to run marathons, or really put out much effort.
I just want life to include happiness, contentment, and love.
I want to be unburdened by my active addiction.
I am ready and willing to recover, wholeheartedly.
I accept the zombie, she’s introspective and sweet.
I’m done fighting myself on all fronts and healthy and clean is my aim.
I cannot forget to keep purpose and direction in the forefront of my mind.

Positive affirmation for this lovely Saturday:
I am the best mom I can be and my girls love me unconditionally.

Strength to be happily me.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.

eleanor roosevelt

I am shaking this monkey off my back one day and one step at a time.
I am all in.

Posted in recovery

I AM YOUR DISEASE

I Am Your Disease

You know who I am, you’ve called me your friend,
Wishes of misery and heartache I send,
I want only to see that you’re brought to your knees,
I’m the devil inside you, I am your disease.

I’ll invade all your thoughts, I’ll take hostage your soul,
I’ll become your new master, in total control,
I’ll maim your emotions, I’ll run the whole game,
Till your entire existence is crippled with shame.

When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise,
Quite often I’ll take you by total surprise,
But take you I will, and just as you’ve feared,
I’ll only want to hurt you, with no mercy spared.

If you have your own family, I will see it destroyed,
I’ll steal every pleasure in life you’ve enjoyed,
I’ll not only hurt you, I’ll kill if I please,
I’m your worst living nightmare, I am your disease.

I bring self destruction, but still you can’t tell,
I’ll sweep through heaven, then drop you in hell,
I’ll chase you forever, wherever you go,
And then when I catch you, you won’t even know.

I’ll sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike,
What’s yours becomes mine, cause I take what I like.
I’ll take all you own and I won’t care who sees,
I’m your constant companion… I am your disease.

If you have any honour, I’ll strip it away,
You’ll lose all your hope and forget how to pray,
I’ll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare,
I’ll reduce you to nothing, and won’t even care.

So, don’t take for granted my powers sublime,
I’ll bend and I’ll break you, time after time,
I’ll crumble your world with the greatest of ease,
I’m that madman inside you… I am your disease.

But today I’m real angry… you want to know why?
I let this treatment centre full of Addicts entirely slip by,
How did I lose you? Where did I go wrong?
One minute I had you… the next you were gone.

You can’t just dismiss all the good times we’ve shared,
When you were alone… wasn’t it I who appeared?
When you sold those possessions you knew you would need,
Wasn’t I the first one who stepped in and agreed?

Now look at you bastards, you’re all thinking clear,
You escaped with your lives when you found your way here,
Only fools think they’re winners when admitting defeat,
It’s what you must say when you’re claiming your seat.

Go ahead and surrender, if that’s what you choose,
But, I’m not giving up cause I can’t stand to lose.
So stand in your groups and support hand in hand,
Better choices will save you… leaving me damned.

Well, be damned all you people seeking treatment each week,
Be damned inner strength, however unique,
Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches,
Be damned every Addict, who back to me strays.

For I know it will happen, I’ve seen it before,
Those who love misery will crawl back for more.
So take comfort in knowing, I’m waiting right here,
But next time around, you’d just better beware.

You think that you’re stronger or smarter this time,
There isn’t a mountain or hill you can’t climb.
Well if that’s what you’re thinking, you ain’t learned a thing,
I’ll still knock you silly if you step back in my ring.

But you say you surrendered, so what can I do?
It’s so sad in a way, I had big plans for you,
Creating your nightmare for me was a dream,
I’m sure gonna miss you… we made quite a team.

So please don’t forget me, I won’t forget you,
I’ll stand by your side watching all that you do,
I’m ready and waiting so call if you please,
I won’t let you forget me… I am your disease.

-Unknown

I am so impressed. I wish there was someone to credit its creation to.
No more writing for me, I’m not going to follow that up.
The author is spot on, though!