0.12-0.18 – I am still sober!!

Apologies for my lack of posting for yet another sleepy-time week. I have just been overwhelmed with the desire to sleep or lay here doing nothing.
So that is a huge issue to overcome – I have absolutely NO MOTIVATION to do ANYTHING!
I barely did Easter. We had to put off decorating eggs until next week because they would be rotten by the time we went to hide them on Sunday (we boiled em Friday and then googled it before we started the decorating process) when my youngest will be here to celebrate. I made a basket for my mini me (Riley, 12) and got her some new flavored peeps which she was super excited, especially because she thought we’d only be celebrating next weekend.
We spent the rest of Sunday watching Forensic Files and chatting about everything while she chatted with her besties online and drew some of her awesome characters she creates for her role playing she does with her friends. They are a creative little bunch and can do this role playing (making up stories with their characters) for hours!!
So as expected my motivation is gone to do anything. I haven’t been able to open my laptop for 8 whole darn days because of it. I think about doing it and it sounds like a WHOLE LOT of effort and my brain is pretty hazy right now so my imagination and idea machine is kind of shut down.
I really want to one day soon reach and continue my goal of blogging everyday. I think I need to just blog SOMETHING. I know I want to walk everyone through my getting sober process too so maybe it could help another addict going through it as well so I need to do better.
I will. I’m feeling better today. I even did laundry. I was out of clothes and about to start pulling stuff to wear out of the hamper — EWWW! I didn’t! I got it done. But doing that motivated me to get on here.
Hang in there with me guys I’m getting the hang of both blogging and sobriety (again). I’ll get even better with time 🙂

Until we meet again.


“I have a perfect body, cause my eyelashes catch my sweat.”

Regina Spektor, Folding Chairs


6 Comments

  1. mikeykjr

    My experience in Alcoholics Anonymous has taught me to take it, “One Day at a Time”. I remember where I was, just like you, when I started my first experience with sobriety back in 2007. I had put myself through hell and back for more than 25 years of my life. I was simply mentally, physically and spiritually tired. It was time to slow down. Even today I do this; its called taking care of ourselves. As time passed, things got better. Instead of dredging up the past, which can’t be changed or worrying about the future, those events that may never come about, I live in the present, just today. Today, as you may know, I have a daily routine. I say a small prayer, to my Higher Power, to help guide me and keep me sober, just today. I post several daily readings in various programs to help me jump start my day. I only look at what I need today to keep me sober. Did I got to a recovery meeting, did I talk to my Sponsor, did I talk to another alcoholic or addict? In time, all other things worked themselves out. Again, slowly as one day passed into another, the motivation to keep staying sober “One Day at a Time” became a habit, just like my drinking/use was in my past. I’m not perfect, no one is. I have good days and bad days. But the AA/NA program, for me, has taught me how to handle each day. There is only one Step in AA/NA I must do each and every day without reservation and 100% – do not drink or use. I can imagine, if you were like me, “Just shut the f**k up with alll that 12-Step jargon, mumbo jumbo, bull shit, brainwashing trash”. For me, it wasn’t until I got serious with myself, truly believed in honesty, open-mindedness and willingness, something the AA/NA program taught me through following the 12 Steps did I eventually got a clear mind and even the thought of using or drinking was only a fleeting thought on the worst days of my sobriety. I’m here to support you because you remind me where I was, hopeless at first, but I can tell you from my own experience, things do get better. Keep the chin up, keep blogging and things will get better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. lackadaisicalwhimsy

      Thanks for the positive reinforcement.
      I definitely need to get myself on a good steady routine. Two weeks to create a habit right so I’m trying to take baby steps toward little goals that will combine to fulfill bigger goals.
      I’m working a lot on self motivation because I feel no pleasure and I can’t be bothered more often than not this time around.
      I enjoy the positive and peaceful rhetoric of AA.
      My issue currently is I’ve got no giddy-up or go and that along with the mister man doing his darnedest to keep me ill at ease in our relationship seems like it would be relieved by using. I know that it will only postpone being right back here and that only that first hit gives that relief you crave if any even do. My body is still aching for it’s chemical enhancement too so that isn’t helping matters.
      I can come up with a million excuses to use and two million not to … one moment at a time sometimes eh.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. mikeykjr

    “Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.” – Robert Collier

    Yes, yes and yes, sometimes we have to deal a day in hours, minutes or even our experiences. What do I need to do to get through this hour, minute or experience without using? Early sobriety sucks – it does. I remember my body’s constant craving for alcohol and those “thousand voices” in my head. No motivation, I get it because I wad damn ass tired before I work up in the morning each day. Like you I didn’t want to do a damn thing. Make goals, however small they may be. Just one goal for today – I’ll wake up at X time. When you fulfill that goal, set another – I’ll read something positive from the Internet or on FB (there is more than plenty of that to go around). Or perhaps, pull out some literature (if you have it, if not you can search for PDF’s too) from a reovery program. I’m amazed when I get in a slump and pull something out to read, it ALL applies to me no matter what its taking about. Lastly, DON’T MAKE EXCUSES! That led to my own relapse after ten years of sobriety. I won’t do this because . . . B/S. JUST DO IT! There are sometimes I don’t want to get up in the morning, go to a meeting, an appointment or do something that needs to be done. We’re human – it’s called defects of character; it’s human nature to be lazy at times. For me, if I let procrastination and selfishness creep in, I’m in trouble. Then I get stuck in my head and at some point all bets are off and I’m drinking again. Lastly, I know living with someone you care about is hard in early recovery. I really do care about the guys I live with in my program, however I’ve learned I can’t worry about them. Right now I have to worry about me. They may be in a bad mood, I might not be in the best of moods but we live together and have to get along. Corny as it may seem, I also say, “Good Morning” to my roommates. One roommate I know it pissed off, at least in the beginning. Today he makes a conscious decision to say “Good Morning” because . . . he feels better about himself and his days goes more smoothly (he said that in a meeting the other day, lol).

    Recovery quotes if you’re interested: 70 best quotes for addiction recovery
    https://www.addiction.com/7215/70-best-quotes-for-addiction-recovery/

    Lastly, someone said this to me in my early recovery, “If you don’t believe in yourself right now, that’s okay. I believe in you. You’re not alone.”

    Like

    1. lackadaisicalwhimsy

      That is a great quote. Gotta love the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. So much great support in the program, I’ve really got to get myself back into the rooms soon.
      I’m doing things a bit unorthodox and outside the lines of a traditional 12 step program this time around. I’m still incorporating it all just not right off the bat. I have to be able to truly live a sober life and that means I have to intertwine myself in the clean life while still staying true to my personality and what I will actually stick to and follow through with.
      I love me some quotes so I will definitely check those out. I usually find at least 1 quote to share on my social media a day and lately I’ve been pulling lyrics from songs.
      I guess my little nuggets of advice are 1. to just love being – let life happen and enjoy it all 2. “good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results” the power of positive thinking and 3. never take yourself too seriously, there is humor in everything you just have to be looking.

      Nap time! I’m home sick today : /

      Liked by 1 person

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