So this is it, today was my last day being high.
Since this is the first entry I want to have something captivating to say but, to be honest, I am just tired and ready to be done.
I’m creating this blog to document my sobriety and the ups and downs of getting clean.
Here’s an idea let me introduce myself and my situation.
I’m Lyric. 32 year old white female. Long brown hair, blue eyes, currently a little too thin and as always 5’1″. Right now I’m sporting pigtails and a beanie with holey jeans and a hooded t-shirt suggesting “Start a Revolution” (and never would have thunk it a hooded t is actually cute with a long sleeve under..).
I’m a mom of two daughters, Riley and Hope, 12 and 7 respectively, and the girlfriend of a guy I want to smack upside the head at the moment.
I’ve always wanted to blog and love to write so all I needed was something to say and well two birds with one computer – documenting getting sober is keeping me accountable to myself ((and you cause now there is a you)) and is my blog topic.
My addiction, briefly (I will delve into the details in a separate category where I will recount stories of impacting happenings during my active use) here:
I’m a functioning methamphetamine abuser meaning I can still be a useful member of society when I’m high. I was high at work with none-the-wiser this entire past week and they keep requesting me back even-so. I also attend a drug treatment outpatient program once a week and have been under the influence on multiple occasions without repercussions. I’m not proud of my choices, I just am a “functioning addict.”
The extent of drugs/how I’ve used: I’ve ended my few month “relapse” solely smoking methamphetamine but I used to shoot it ((use needles)) and years ago I would snort it ((used it for about 2 weeks one summer in my early twenties)). I have almost 2 years clean off of heroin which I smoked and shot up for a little over a year. I mixed heroin and meth use and combined the drugs to shoot together. I quit heroin because I didn’t like nodding off/sleeping as a high. Meth is my DOC ((drug of choice)). I quit drinking alcohol a little over 2 years ago as well, save for one beer and one Bloody Mary on separate occasions. I’ve, of course, smoked pot ((I hate the high from marijuana now though so it’s been over a year since at least)). I’ve used mushrooms, dropped acid and done salvia all one time each in my teens. My gateway drug was oxycodone with a prescription for an extended period.
How I got into drugs when I was a stay at home mom: I was in an accident in 2012 that caused me to break my four front teeth and upper portion of my jaw. Due to the painful nature of broken bones and teeth I was prescribed oxycodone 30 mg tablets very generously. My doctor meant well, wanting to keep me from being in pain, and eventually he reduced my prescription to 10 mg tablets but it was too late by then, I was hooked and didn’t even know it yet. I figured out very quickly that I had become addicted to pain pills when my amount was reduced and I started having aches and cravings for more pills.
So I had been taking a prescription, not street drugs, and was a capable mom and wife and doing all my normal activities which deluded me into believing I was safe from addiction. Turns out my doctor was just my dealer with a degree and a script pad.
After the doc reduced my fill I got desperate to “feel right” and bought pills from a friend whose kids and mine had play dates.
Haha STOP! GOTTA CATCH MYSELF I AM GOING TO BE BRUTALLY HONEST ABOUT MY USE AND FEELINGS THROUGHOUT USING AND QUITTING SO THERE IS SOMETHING AUTHENTIC ABOUT this BLOG AND MY STORY. SO I’M GOING TO TELL ON MYSELF AND CALL MYSELF OUT WHEN I TRY TO LIE — judge not lest ye be judged lol — I started buying pills from a dealer I met through my husband’s work friend, dude’s brother, and brought my kids to play with his kids because my kids went with me everywhere, turns out even to buy drugs.
((I SO want to justify that it was JUST pain pills that he sold, not CRACK, and that we hung out with him and his wife occasionally not JUST took my kids to their house to buy drugs. As I think back my kids and I were there a lot for a while but that doesn’t make it a good scenario…. So there is my bullshit attempt to make my poor choices seem okay but they weren’t and I sound dumb and caught. I’ll continue to incorporate my inner struggle with admitting my shit so I am being honest but yikes to actually publishing this right?!))
So much information and so much time to tell all about it after I get some sleep and wake up to start my DAY 1 of sobriety.