Posted in recovery

Day 1 – no thank you, please

So I’m regretting my decision to quit right about now. It is going to be a long day and I’m filled with anxiety and dread. The idea of such a slow and tedious workday, especially since I’m impatiently waiting to have a conversation with my dude also, is not computing properly to form words… I’m rambling nonsense and not clearly explaining how I feel which is what I want to convey.

My head feels floaty and I believe that a wave of dizziness would overcome me and knock me on my ass if I stood up right now. While my eyes were closed I felt that staying-in-the-womb comfort of warmth and snugness engulf me, sleep was cuddling me after days of avoidance. Then I got to where I am now – propped up on my elbow typing on my laptop and starting to accept that I’m really doing this and it is going to be really uncomfortable.

I’m overwhelmed. Intensely flustered. My teeth hurt and my mouth tastes like paste. I need to get moving and I have no desire to proceed. I’ve described a few of the things I am feeling but there is a lot more going on too that I know getting high would even out for me. Fuck this. I can’t do this and I’ve been up for fifteen minutes. I need to wait until I have a week that I can spend in bed hiding to quit. Except, while I can’t remember what it is, there is a reason I am quitting right now and not putting it off again like I did at the beginning of this week already. It’ll come to me eventually and I couldn’t pick up before work even if I tried.

My whole body is aching.



i'm happiLy me in spite of my circumstances underestimate me, please -this'll be fun i've got no time for playing games so be real or leave me be 1 + 1 + 1 [+ ¿1?] makes us and we is all I need (+ auntie Aj)

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